July 13, 2021|Mental Health, Self-Care
We all have conversations with ourselves, whether we realize it or not. Our subconscious minds are constantly speaking to us, sending messages about the things we see, feel, or perceive. Most of the time these messages are relatively trivial, like “I should make lasagna for dinner”, or “I forgot to check the mail”— but there are other times when our inner dialogue actually begins to negatively impact the way we feel about ourselves.
In these situations, it’s imperative to be aware of our hurtful thought patterns and to actively combat them using proven techniques.
We’ll discuss these techniques more in just a moment, but first, let’s cover the basics.
The Importance of Self-Talk
Try thinking back to the last time you were unhappy with yourself. What was happening at that moment? Maybe you forgot an important task at work. Or raised your voice when telling your child to clean their room.
Now, think about what your inner voice was saying to you. Were you criticizing yourself for not doing a better job? Did you tell yourself you were a bad parent? Did you feel like you couldn’t do anything right?
These types of internal narratives are referred to as negative self-talk and they can be extremely detrimental to your overall mental health, putting you at a higher risk for anxiety, depression, perfectionism, feelings of hopelessness, and a host of other potential issues— a fact that’s particularly concerning when we consider up to 77 percent of our thoughts are negative and counterproductive.
How Self-Talk Works
The connection between our mental and physical realities has been scientifically proven many times. We know that our inner thoughts can significantly impact how we interact with and navigate through the real world.
In one study, for instance, scientists asked women who were living with anorexia to walk through doors. They noticed that despite having more than enough room, these women turned sideways or squeezed their shoulders together when they passed through the doorway— while women without anorexia did so far less frequently.
This experiment proved that what we think has a real, tangible impact on our everyday lives, and solidified the idea that our inner dialogue is capable of damaging our cognitive processes, changing how we problem-solve, make decisions, and even how we remember the events that occur in our lives.
How to Speak Positively to Yourself
Developing positive self-talk is possible. And as with any skill, your ability to maintain positive self-talk will improve the more you practice and gain new strategies for shifting your mindset.
Here Are 5 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk:
1. Give Your Inner Critic a Name
Managing your inner critic is challenging even at the best of times. One way to make the process easier, however, is to think of that nagging voice in the back of your head as a totally separate person. Giving the voice a name is an excellent way to differentiate your inner critic from who you really are— a whole, complex, and beautiful spirit.
You could try a funny name like “The Grinch” to add an element of lightheartedness to difficult situations, or you can choose an ordinary name like “Steve”. Whatever you choose, try to reframe how you acknowledge negative thoughts. Instead of saying, “I’m so miserable today”, try saying “Steve is so miserable today”.
You may be surprised just how effectively this one simple practice can improve your mood and prevent further negativity.
2. Gather Evidence Before Believing
Too often, we believe our thoughts without ever evaluating them— a strange practice, especially since we’d rarely take something someone else said as truth without analyzing it to some degree.
I encourage you to try gathering evidence about your own thoughts before accepting them or allowing them to take up too much space in your mind. Try asking “What evidence do I have to support this thought?”, or “What other possible explanations are there?”.
Maybe you aren’t a bad employee, for example. Maybe you had a bad day because you didn’t sleep well and tomorrow will be better.
3. Identify Your Triggers
This is one of the most useful self-talk exercises I have tried, personally. We all have certain feelings, situations, or events that tend to bother us more than others, and these occurrences are often the driving force behind our negative thoughts.
Try to identify five triggers that frequently cause you to feel badly about yourself.
Here is an example of what your list might look like:
- When I miss a deadline at work.
- When I eat too much while snacking in the evenings.
- When someone else takes credit for the work I’ve done.
- When my husband doesn’t compliment me for an extended period of time.
- When I have to punish my children.
Being aware of your triggers is the first step to identifying them as they occur and developing healthier thought patterns. Never be ashamed of your list— everybody has one!
4. Measure Your Window of Opportunity
Have you ever assumed you had to fix a problem immediately, only to realize later that the issue wasn’t as urgent as you thought? This is a frequent occurrence for those who are prone to negative thinking.
One way to practice positive self-talk is to ask yourself how necessary it is to react to a situation immediately. If you accidentally burnt the nice dinner you were making for your partner, for example, is it necessary to start ruminating on what you “should have done”? Or would your time be better spent ordering take out and lighting some romantic candles?
Usually, when we avoid reacting negatively right away, we feel better about ourselves after we’ve found a solution and no longer feel the need to beat ourselves up over our mistakes.
5. Remember That Hindsight Isn’t Always Helpful
We have a tendency to look back at situations we’ve been in and re-write the narrative surrounding them. If you trusted a coworker to watch our purse, for example, only to return and notice money missing from your wallet, you might think “I’m so stupid. I knew they weren’t trustworthy!”.
While it can truly feel like you knew the person was dishonest, this isn’t necessarily true. There are countless possible outcomes to any decision we make and beating ourselves up over an unfavourable outcome doesn’t benefit us at all.
Instead of allowing your inner dialogue to become negative in these situations, try reminding yourself there is no way to predict the future and remember you couldn’t have possibly known what was going to happen. It’s a powerful self-talk exercise that validates your experience and relieves you of the burden of blame.
Teach Your Team How to Practice Positive Self-Talk
I’d be happy to engage your employees in a conversion about the importance of positive self-talk. As an experienced and certified Edmonton mental health trainer and keynote speaker, I am able to share my advanced knowledge of self-care strategies, grounding techniques, and mindfulness in a way that fosters connection and participation.
Let’s ensure your employees feel supported, valued, and equipped with the tools they need to achieve emotional and mental well-being.