When you think of love, do you think about a relationship? Most of us do. We assume that the feeling of being loved originates from another person. This is why occasions like Valentine’s Day can cause feelings of loneliness and disappointment. When we look to others to make us feel special, treasured, and cared for, we deny ourselves the opportunity to receive love in other ways.

The truth is, all you need is self-love. You can feel all the wonderful and amazing feelings you associate with being loved by someone else on your own!

Sure, it’s nice to have a Valentine. But don’t convince yourself that having one is a prerequisite for feeling satisfied, valued, or admired. You can still experience all of the positive emotions and sentiments of Valentine’s Day, simply by making the decision to be your own Valentine.

So… it’s time to put a plan in place for your special day!

Here Are 5 Self-Love Ideas for Valentine’s Day

1. Order In Your Favorite Meal

Sure, COVID-19 has put a damper on the usual dining-out experience. But who says you can’t still enjoy a candlelight dinner? Why not have your favourite cuisine delivered and create a relaxing and romantic ambiance with soft lighting, roses, or background music? Treating yourself to the food you enjoy most is an excellent way to celebrate yourself on Valentine’s Day. 

If you prefer company but don’t have a romantic partner, you can also invite friends or family members to a Zoom call and make it a social event! Play games, do a craft together, or simply chat and enjoy spending virtual time together. 

2. Write a Love Letter to Your Future Self

If you have ever received a love letter, you know that warm, fuzzy feeling that comes with reading words that were chosen just for you. So, why not give yourself that experience? This is one of the best self-love tips, as it really is a powerful way to honour the positive traits and attributes you see in yourself. Write down what makes you proud to be you. Write down where you hope to be by the time you open the letter. Give your future self words of encouragement. 

Trust us, when the time comes to open the letter, you’ll have forgotten what you wrote and reading those words will have a greater impact than even you predicted!

Here are some writing prompts to help you get started:

I hope that you are remembering to treat yourself with kindness by…

Remember that you are strong and capable of…

You are beautiful. Take the time to appreciate the things you love about your body, like your…

You are special because…

3. Make Your Own Honey and Oat Face Mask

Is there anyone who couldn’t use a day at the spa? This is a great, budget-friendly alternative that works wonders for your skin. Plus, it’s super relaxing and a super enjoyable way to pamper yourself.

Honey is a natural antibacterial, making this mask ideal for those who are prone to blemishes. But that’s not all— it’s also an antioxidant, which means it will prevent signs of aging and leave your skin feeling restored and youthful!

What better way to celebrate yourself on Valentine’s Day than checking out your newly rejuvenated reflection in the mirror?

Follow this DIY face mask recipe to get your glow on!

4. Get Cuddly

Yes, you can enjoy that warm, snug feeling even if you’re having a solo celebration. Try putting your favorite cozy blanket in the dryer for a while on low before curling up to watch your favorite movie or grab pillows from other rooms to make your bed extra comfy for the evening. 

Other ideas include thick reading socks, pouring yourself your favorite hot beverage, or inviting your pet onto your bed for some quality relaxation. 

We’re willing to bet that when you’re all wrapped up and snug as a bug, you’ll be glad you made the decision to be your own Valentine!

5. Make Your Mental Health a Priority

Taking care of your mind is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. If you’ve been struggling to feel healthy, happy, and fulfilled in your life, it may be a good idea to speak to a professional who can help you put a plan in place.

There are many credible professional organizations that offer online therapy sessions and affordable payment options, so you can receive counselling without leaving your home or stretching yourself thin financially.

When you take the time to evaluate what is causing feelings of stress, anger, sadness, or overwhelm and seek out solutions, you are better able to enjoy and be present in your own life. 

We recommend visiting the Affordable Therapy Network website or contacting your local health authority for more information about the services available to you.

These self-love tips are just the beginning. There are countless ways to love yourself on Valentine’s Day and throughout the entire year. Don’t limit yourself to just one day! Keep experimenting with different practices until you find the ones that have the greatest impact for you— then make them a part of your regular routine!

Interested in learning how to create your own personal self-care plan? Check out our previous blog post for a complete step-by-step guide.

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You aren’t sure exactly what you need. What you are sure of, though, is that you can’t continue feeling the way you do. You’re struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. You’re irritable even when nothing has happened to warrant your bad mood. And no matter what you do, you can’t shake the pervasive sense of hopelessness that now seems to follow you everywhere you go.

Does this sound familiar?

If so, you’re likely ready for change. 

Maybe you’ve spoken to others about what you’ve been experiencing and gotten their feedback. Maybe you did your own research on the web and read up on possible solutions. Whatever steps have brought you to this point, one thing has become clear— you need to practice self care.

It’s a realization you’ve come to terms with. You haven’t been prioritizing yourself and it has drained you of the zest you once had for life.

The only problem? You’re completely new to self care. It’s not something you’ve ever done before. (Not intentionally, at least.) And you have so many questions.

Maybe you’ve been wondering:

• How do I know what self-care activities will work for me?
• How often do I need to make time for self-care?
• Is self-care really the answer? Or is it just another health and wellness fad that will soon be replaced by a new craze?

Well, my friend, you have come to the right place.

The decision to start practicing self-care is a significant one. But in order to truly get VALUE out of your practice, you need to truly understand what self care is, what it isn’t, and how to customize it to your unique mental, physical, and spiritual needs.

Today, I’ll be sharing my complete guide to self care for beginners so you can start off on the right foot and ensure your routine is sustainable for the future. But first, let’s take a closer look at the meaning of self care.

What is Self Care?

Self care refers to any activity, practice, or ritual a person purposefully does in an effort to improve the health of their own mind, body, or spirit. 

Common Misconceptions About Self Care

Many people misinterpret the meaning of self care or come to conclusions before they’ve done their research. Some of the most common misconceptions about self care include:

1. Self Care is Time Consuming

Self care takes as much (or as little) time as you want it to. The key is to determine how long your practice, ritual, or activity needs to take in order to yield its maximum benefit. You may feel energized after a 15 minute afternoon nap, for example, but wake up feeling groggy if you nap for 30 minutes or more. In this case, your ideal time commitment would be 15 minutes. 

It’s all about finding the sweet spot for your personal mental, physical, and spiritual health.

2. Self Care is Selfish

It’s important to remember that self care does not mean “me first”. It means “me also”. It’s about giving yourself the same amount of care, time, and energy that you give to other people or obligations in your life.

It is never selfish to refill your own cup. We often neglect our own needs and desires, to the point of our own detriment. Self care is actually selfless, as it allows us to better care for others by showing up as the most healthy, fulfilled, and present versions of ourselves.

3. Self Care is a Luxury

When we think about self care, visions of spa treatments, tropical vacations, or studio fitness classes may come to mind. And while these things can be classified as self care, they are absolutely not a requirement.

In fact, self care doesn’t have to cost anything at all. Going for a walk in nature, avoiding negative self talk, or tidying up the space you live in are all examples of self care practices that are completely free to engage in.

When deciding on your personal routine, remember the three pillars of self care:

1. Reflective

When you practice self care, it should be the result of listening to your mind, body, and spirit, and identifying a need that is not currently being met. People experience a great variety of spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. From intimacy to security, fulfillment, protection, or solitude— there are countless possibilities. Getting in tune with yourself and identifying what it is you are lacking is an essential part of establishing a self care routine that is truly beneficial.

2. Purposeful

Your chosen self care activities should be chosen and completed with intention. Self care isn’t passive. It is a conscious effort. When you engage in your self care routine you should be fully present, rooted in the here and now, and focused on maximizing the positive impact of your practice as much as possible.

Additionally, it is crucial to address any needs you identified while reflecting on your current situation. If you realized you’ve been feeling lonely lately, for example, you could purposefully plan a movie night with a friend. Or if you feel you’ve been spending too much time at work or in your home, you could commit to doing an outdoor activity every Sunday afternoon.  

3. Supported By Boundaries

Without boundaries, it is nearly impossible to maintain a consistent and beneficial self care routine. Boundaries allow us to remain true to ourselves, maintain healthy relationships, and be valued, appreciated, and respected at all times.

If you decide that a 10-minute meditation practice is an essential part of your personal self care routine, for example, you might set a boundary with your partner that they can not interrupt you (unless it’s an emergency) while you are meditating. This boundary will allow you to protect this important part of your day and enjoy a deeper, more focused meditative experience.

How to Start a Self-Care Routine

1. Listen to Your Inner Voice

Sit with yourself in silence and be honest about what you have been feeling lately. What has been missing in your life? What has there been too much of? Where is your stress or dissatisfaction originating from?

Remember, the universe whispers before it roars. Your mind, body, and spirit give subtle hints that something is wrong long before there’s a crisis. Pay attention to the little things. If you’ve been having trouble sleeping, for example, it could be due to anxiety. Implementing a night time self care routine that relaxes your mind would likely be a great solution.

2. Identify Your Intentions

You should have an end goal in mind when you practice self care. The goal can be as abstract or as specific as you’d like it to be, but it should be documented and at the forefront of your mind as you engage in your practice.

In a broader sense, for instance, your goal might be to feel more confident in your own skin. Or, if you prefer to be more particular, your goal might be to stop wearing makeup to work in an effort to embrace your natural beauty.

3. Explore Your Options

This is a critical aspect of self care for beginners. It’s so important to experiment with different self care techniques and practices before adding them to your routine, since you aren’t yet aware of which activities benefit you most or yield the best results.

Some examples of potential self care practices you might want to consider include:

• Hosting a weekly family dinner
• Creating a monthly vision board
• Drinking 2 litres of water per day
• Meditating for 10 minutes each morning
• Volunteering at a local non-profit twice per month

Whatever activities you choose, be sure to clearly define how much time you want to dedicate to each practice.

4. Set a Sustainable Schedule

When deciding upon your new self care routine, it’s important to be realistic about your time commitments. Ultimately, you want your self care routine to be one you can enjoy and maintain indefinitely— not one that quickly begins to feel like a chore. 

Review your current daily, weekly, and monthly obligations. How much time can you dedicate to your self care routine without compromising your other commitments or stretching yourself too thin?

The more realistic you are in establishing your routine, the more likely you are to succeed in maintaining it over time.

5. Evaluate As You Go

Our wants and needs are continuously changing and shifting. What benefits our mind, body, or spirit today may not have the same effect tomorrow, next week, or one year from now.

Checking in with yourself and asking, “Does this still serve me?” is the best way to ensure your self care practice evolves with you. Remember, it’s okay to let go of things that no longer benefit you the way they once did, and it’s always a good idea to add new techniques and activities to your routine to keep things fresh and exhilarating. 

Are You Ready to Start Taking Better Care of Yourself?

Now that you’ve read this article, I believe you have the foundational knowledge required to put a practical and productive self care routine in place.

I invite you to share this article with anyone you know who might be new to self care. By sharing our knowledge and uplifting one another, we can all be catalysts for change.

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We all have conversations with ourselves, whether we realize it or not. Our subconscious minds are constantly speaking to us, sending messages about the things we see, feel, or perceive. Most of the time these messages are relatively trivial, like “I should make lasagna for dinner”, or “I forgot to check the mail”— but there are other times when our inner dialogue actually begins to negatively impact the way we feel about ourselves.

In these situations, it’s imperative to be aware of our hurtful thought patterns and to actively combat them using proven techniques.

We’ll discuss these techniques more in just a moment, but first, let’s cover the basics.

The Importance of Self-Talk

Try thinking back to the last time you were unhappy with yourself. What was happening at that moment? Maybe you forgot an important task at work. Or raised your voice when telling your child to clean their room.

Now, think about what your inner voice was saying to you. Were you criticizing yourself for not doing a better job? Did you tell yourself you were a bad parent? Did you feel like you couldn’t do anything right?

These types of internal narratives are referred to as negative self-talk and they can be extremely detrimental to your overall mental health, putting you at a higher risk for anxiety, depression, perfectionism, feelings of hopelessness, and a host of other potential issues— a fact that’s particularly concerning when we consider up to 77 percent of our thoughts are negative and counterproductive.

How Self-Talk Works

The connection between our mental and physical realities has been scientifically proven many times. We know that our inner thoughts can significantly impact how we interact with and navigate through the real world.

In one study, for instance, scientists asked women who were living with anorexia to walk through doors. They noticed that despite having more than enough room, these women turned sideways or squeezed their shoulders together when they passed through the doorway— while women without anorexia did so far less frequently.

This experiment proved that what we think has a real, tangible impact on our everyday lives, and solidified the idea that our inner dialogue is capable of damaging our cognitive processes, changing how we problem-solve, make decisions, and even how we remember the events that occur in our lives.

How to Speak Positively to Yourself

Developing positive self-talk is possible. And as with any skill, your ability to maintain positive self-talk will improve the more you practice and gain new strategies for shifting your mindset.

Here Are 5 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk:

1. Give Your Inner Critic a Name

Managing your inner critic is challenging even at the best of times. One way to make the process easier, however, is to think of that nagging voice in the back of your head as a totally separate person. Giving the voice a name is an excellent way to differentiate your inner critic from who you really are— a whole, complex, and beautiful spirit.

You could try a funny name like “The Grinch” to add an element of lightheartedness to difficult situations, or you can choose an ordinary name like “Steve”. Whatever you choose, try to reframe how you acknowledge negative thoughts. Instead of saying, “I’m so miserable today”, try saying “Steve is so miserable today”. 

You may be surprised just how effectively this one simple practice can improve your mood and prevent further negativity.

2. Gather Evidence Before Believing

Too often, we believe our thoughts without ever evaluating them— a strange practice, especially since we’d rarely take something someone else said as truth without analyzing it to some degree.

I encourage you to try gathering evidence about your own thoughts before accepting them or allowing them to take up too much space in your mind. Try asking “What evidence do I have to support this thought?”, or “What other possible explanations are there?”. 

Maybe you aren’t a bad employee, for example. Maybe you had a bad day because you didn’t sleep well and tomorrow will be better.

3. Identify Your Triggers

This is one of the most useful self-talk exercises I have tried, personally. We all have certain feelings, situations, or events that tend to bother us more than others, and these occurrences are often the driving force behind our negative thoughts.

Try to identify five triggers that frequently cause you to feel badly about yourself. 

Here is an example of what your list might look like:

• When I miss a deadline at work.
• When I eat too much while snacking in the evenings.
• When someone else takes credit for the work I’ve done.
• When my husband doesn’t compliment me for an extended period of time.
• When I have to punish my children.

Being aware of your triggers is the first step to identifying them as they occur and developing healthier thought patterns. Never be ashamed of your list— everybody has one!

4. Measure Your Window of Opportunity

Have you ever assumed you had to fix a problem immediately, only to realize later that the issue wasn’t as urgent as you thought? This is a frequent occurrence for those who are prone to negative thinking.

One way to practice positive self-talk is to ask yourself how necessary it is to react to a situation immediately. If you accidentally burnt the nice dinner you were making for your partner, for example, is it necessary to start ruminating on what you “should have done”? Or would your time be better spent ordering take out and lighting some romantic candles?

Usually, when we avoid reacting negatively right away, we feel better about ourselves after we’ve found a solution and no longer feel the need to beat ourselves up over our mistakes.

5. Remember That Hindsight Isn’t Always Helpful

We have a tendency to look back at situations we’ve been in and re-write the narrative surrounding them. If you trusted a coworker to watch our purse, for example, only to return and notice money missing from your wallet, you might think “I’m so stupid. I knew they weren’t trustworthy!”.

While it can truly feel like you knew the person was dishonest, this isn’t necessarily true. There are countless possible outcomes to any decision we make and beating ourselves up over an unfavourable outcome doesn’t benefit us at all.

Instead of allowing your inner dialogue to become negative in these situations, try reminding yourself there is no way to predict the future and remember you couldn’t have possibly known what was going to happen. It’s a powerful self-talk exercise that validates your experience and relieves you of the burden of blame.

Teach Your Team How to Practice Positive Self-Talk

I’d be happy to engage your employees in a conversion about the importance of positive self-talk. As an experienced and certified Edmonton mental health trainer and keynote speaker, I am able to share my advanced knowledge of self-care strategies, grounding techniques, and mindfulness in a way that fosters connection and participation.

Let’s ensure your employees feel supported, valued, and equipped with the tools they need to achieve emotional and mental well-being.

REACH OUT TODAY

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